Yea, if you don't like the f-bomb, don't read this. But I'm bouncing back!

I'm so disappointed in myself today. I'm feeling......in a word.........shitty! Oh where to start? How about with T.O.M? You all know who I'm talking about............that once a month guest that isn't really invited, but insists on coming to anyway. T.O.M.......(what a fuckface-right Kimmie?)...he brings cravings, and bloating, and crankiness, and laziness, and what am I forgetting? Oh well, he's a fuckface and I hate him, but hey, such is life, am I right? At least he's someone to blame if only once a month!

Next, how about my diet? I quit WW's, oh, a couple months ago? After losing 20 lbs, I was down to 22 points a day, and feeling more than frustrated! I felt deprived and in a rut so deep that I couldn't even see the light at the top, or the lack of muffin tops over my jeans, that seemed to make me not notice for so long, what I thought I was missing, and then BOOM there it was.......frustration. So.....I quit. And.........I've gained back 10 lbs. There..........I said it. *SIGH*........I hate saying it cause it makes it true, even though I knew it was true, if I didn't say it, no one would know in this virtual life right?

I'm not necessarily saying it was a mistake to quit, I think it was something I needed to do at the time, where I made the mistake was thinking I was ready and/or able to take it all on my own. To avoid all those yummy things that I love (mostly things that tickle this fucking sweet tooth - why can't the dentist just yank it?) I realized last week, that I was blowing it, I guess I'm lucky it only took 10 lbs and a couple of muffin top rebirths to see it, so not all is lost! I rejoined WW's and I know that the next time I quit, or the time after that, or the time after that, I'll be ready to do it on my own. Hell, last year at this time, a tomato, or onion, or any vegetable at all really would have never made it onto my sandwich, much less pass through these lips, but WW's the 1st time around made me realize that I really DO like these good for me foods that I thought I hated!! Maybe something even better will happen the next time around?

I would always order a sandwich or salad or whatever, hold the tomato, onion, basically anything good for me, and now I LOVE em! Sooo.....10 lbs back sucks, but I guess there's something to hang my hat on!?

And then there is my exercise routine. Oh how I love love love a good sweaty workout. I am having so much trouble finding this part of the balance in my life. So, for the moment, I'm doing with what I can. Between baseball games, and basically living in my office for the past couple of months, I'm exhausted and the days fly by like I'm standing still. I HATE reading about my BBIM loves and all the challenges they are doing because I know I can't keep up, but I do support them because I love them and someday when their lives are in a spin like mine, which happens to everyone more often than not, they will still be supporting me in whatever I'm doing!! That's how love and REAL friendships work!

I know I should try to get my workouts in in the a.m. when my evenings are all full, but the morning sucks! I HATE morning workouts, for me they aren't fun and/or the relaxing outlet that I really crave my workouts to be. Instead, I feel like I'm trying to jam a workout in to a narrow window and it makes it hard to get excited for, and I don't want to dread working out. In the evenings, it empowers me, and makes me feel strong and like all my stresses and struggles from the day just seem to melt away. So, for right now, I'm doing the best I can and making gardening, playing with the kids (baseball mostly at the moment), and an occasional mid afternoon walk with my coworkers, which really does help me to destress, even if I can't get all sweaty, my workouts.

Right now, I'll focus on the part I can control the most, which is my diet. I rejoined WW's and just got back from the grocery store, loaded with the most wonderful fruits and veggies!

I guess when our lives run us, the best we can do is adjust and adapt- resisting too much just makes it worse. So, that's what I'm going to do, I've hit a bump, it sucks, I'm moving on.

Running!!..................Wait....WHAT??

Yep, it's true! If you had told met to run a week ago, my automatic response would have been......"Why?? Will someone be chasing me?" Seriously, running?? No way, not me. I have never been the "exercise" type. Sports? YES!!......Situps/pushups/basically anything else? NOT REALLY!!

And then the strangest thing happened to me the other week. I quit Weight Watchers. While I had managed to lose almost 20 lbs doing the program, I began to get bored, and frustrated when the scale stopped, and then started going back up. I felt like I was so low on points (21) that I was relying on the same foods over and over again, just to stay within my daily points. And then it occured to me that I was heading down the road of exactly what I didn't want to have happen and that was to get bored with my food and be unable to find that variety that we all know we need.

But I wasn't sure that I could "trust" myself to make good choices on my own, without being somewhat accountable for what I was eating and doing. So, I asked around on ..........where else??.......Twitter, and Ryan (@nomorebacon) was using the website www.dailyburn.com , so I thought I'd take a look.

What I didn't want was something like WW's, where I spent so much time planning and counting and cringing and crying and well, okay not crying, but you get the point. So I thought what I would do was sign up on the Daily Burn, and not "track", but "record". Is there a difference? Well, in my head, tracking is planning, sweating, and "crying" about what I can and cannot eat. Recording is eating what I want and then recording it and putting my choices to the test.

And what do you know, I didn't do too bad! I managed to come in well under my caloric intake goals everyday, without what I consider the stressfulness of "dieting". I ate food I enjoyed, and made good choices and I'm very proud of this! (I'm the true definition of a junk food junkie - but I'm recovering)

Okay, so enough about food.....here's the good stuff:

Along with calorie/nutrition tracking, the Daily Burn also offers a workout tracking option. I was able to select the type of workout that I wanted to do and the days I wanted to do them. Honestly, I really didn't give this option that much thought..........as I said earlier, SPORTS, not EXERCISE.....in fact, in my mind, these two things have nothing in common....although I realize that isn't a fact, sports seem so much more fun!

And then, on the day of my first Daily Burn workout, they sent me a reminder to my email. The very first exercise?.....Run 1K. HUH?? Who are the freaks that thought this up? So I DM'd my girl Lori (@slorunnermom), curious if it was even possible for a non-runner to "run" 1k straight out of the gate.

Lori, oh how I love her, suggested that I give it a try and if needed walk/jog the 1k. And then she said something that will forever stay with me everytime I run. She said she was "SO PROUD" of me. Well, less than an hour before that DM, I had basically written off any possibility that I could run the 1k and honestly didn't even want to try.

And then these people flashed through my brain - Lori (@slorunnermom) LOVES to run, and is so kind, inspirational, loving, encouraging, and on and on. Jen (@jeninRL) this girl is a firecracker! LOL! Always the one to take up a challenge, also a non-runner who signed up for a freaking 5k!! My Mo (@FitinMyHeart) this girl never ceases to amaze me and I was so excited and proud the day she ran her first 5k! These are just a few of the amazing people that inspire me and encourage me and amaze me every single day.

So, I did it. I sucked it up and jumped on the treadmill to "run". Even with Lori's encouragement, I honestly just wasn't sure I could even do it. I pictured myself "running" for like a minute and then keeling over in agony. But Lori's DM kept running through my head. She was proud of me....and I hadn't even done anything yet. Shouldn't I have the same faith in myself as someone that I have never "met" has in me? HELL YA!!

So I ran, and ran, and ran, and I didn't run a 1k, I ran a mile! That very first time, a freaking mile!!! I was on a high that I can't even explain....I was so excited....I thought I might burst. And I couldn't wait until my next run. That next run I ran 1.5 miles and I felt AWESOME!!

Am I an official runner? Ummmm....I guess I'm not sure, but for the time being, I'm taking a cue from all my twitter loves and I can't wait to get to my next one and see just how far I can take myself!!

Rethink Your Shrink Challege: Project ME

So, one week into the Rethink Your Shrink Challenge and it has been a challenge thats for sure! This is my 3rd snow day and I gotta say I've had about all the snow days I can handle for the moment (although I'll probaby be wishing for one next week).

So the first project is Project ME! So I spent the week thinking about this past year and what it has meant to ME. Some of you know my story, most of you don't, so I'll just recap a bit:

In April of 2009, with spring in full swing, I had a epiphany.....(I guess you'd call it that). "Geez, I feel uncomfortable, I hate my clothes (or my body in my clothes), I feel sluggish, and lazy". So that was it. All my life (sorry in advance) I've been able to eat whatever I wanted and not worry about it a bit! Full fat/full calorie - our fridge had NEVER seen "light" mayo or cream cheese - in fact the "lightest" thing in our fridge was 2% milk! LOL! But now all of a sudden, it seemed it was all changing, so I decided to take control!

I joined Weight Watchers with a co-worker online, and we tracked, exercised, and weighed in together each week. A few months later I had lost 20 lbs! YAY! And that was all great....but the best part?.........I finally started recognizing the food (empty calories) I had been putting into my body. The lack of appropriate fruits and veggies, and began to see food in a different way!

I was exercising alone and with friends and loving every minute! So, thats what worked for me in 2009! And that's the path I'm still on (all-be-it I was slightly derailed over the holidays). I don't know that I have any stand out things that didn't work for me, so for now I'll keep on this path and evaluate it as I go!

That all said, I did not post a weigh in for the challenge on Wednesday of this week. :-( I don't have a scale at home, it's in my office, and as I mentioned, this is my third snow day in a row! But I'm confident that when I get on the scale I won't be disappointed! Maybe it won't be a huge loss, but I don't think there will be a gain for me either! So, I'll weigh as soon as I can and share with those in the Sisterhood then!

My challenges are going well! The working out hasn't panned out though, it is soooo cold here and the week has been so out of whack that I have allowed myself to use this as an excuse, but I'm not letting it get me down! I've been very proactive this week with everything else, so I'm counting it as a WIN!!

My other challenges were to try at least one new recipe a week, and to pre-plan my meals everyday the night before. I have followed up with these, infact, today I'll be making new recipe #3 for the week! The first two were Parmesan Tilapia, and Pulled Pork, both from http://sparkrecipes.com and they were BOTH a hit for me and my family! Today I will be trying Creamy Baked Potato Soup, a recipe from @goingforgoal that sounds so easy & delish! These recipes have made my challenge of pre-planning my meals so much easier! I hate trying to decide what to have for supper, and new recipes definately make it much easier!

So, that is my week one - two blog posts wrapped into one (sort of). And as soon as I can do my weigh in, you'll be the first to know!!

love comin at ya - Jen

Rethink Your Shrink Challenge

Wow!! Two blog postings in two days!! ME!! I guess thats a pretty good start to the new year!

So my dear, sweet, wonderful friends have encouraged me to join the "RETHINK YOUR SHRINK" challenge! I can hardly turn away from a challenge! But as @jeepjenn so kindly reminded me (a couple times), goals are not really my thing!

Maybe I should clarify something however. There are certain goals that ARE my thing, like saying "I'm going to workout 5 x's a week" - not my thing, but saying "my goal is to increase my activity level so that I feel strong & great" - TOTALLY my thing! "I want to feel attractive in my body and feel good about the way I look (aka Bringin Sexy Back - eh Dr. Mo?), totally my thing! "I must get the scale to tell me that I way "X" pounds" - nope - you guessed it - NOT MY THING.

Maybe these things aren't "goals" exactly, but they keep me motivated and that is all that matters! And if I don't get to the gym on say Tuesday as I had planned, I do not feel defeated, like I've failed myself, instead, I look for the next time I can go!

So here are my "goals" for the challenge:

1) Increase my activity level. Right now, once a week would be an increase for me, but I plan to get back to the activity level that I had a couple of months ago, which was pretty much some kind of exercise everyday! Some days it was a walk, sometimes cardio, sometimes strength, but something each day that kept my body moving!
2) I really want to increase the types of healthy meals that I'm preparing. I think I was stuck in a rut food wise and felt like I was having the same thing every other day - this was definately a stalling point for me! So any recipes or links are welcomed and appreciated!! I will try at least 1 new recipe per week - minimum! Along with this, effective today I will track track track my food and activity!
3) And then I will set an ACTUAL goal! I will plan out my meals for the next day the night before! I have found this is the best way to make sure I stick to a plan and get the most food for my points allowed! (I just planned for tomorrow!)



THERE...............I did it.........3 goals just for ME!! That said, here comes the hard part....my starting weight....166.6 lbs.

No Goals.....Just Life......

Hello all my lovely friends. I finally found some time to sit down and look through some well overdue blogs, and checking out every one's goals and plans for the new year! First off - good luck to everyone and I hope I can be a helping hand on your path in 2010.

I love the new year, while its truly just a date on the calendar, one can't help but feel the renewing start of a whole new year to keep your journey going, or to start down a new path.

I'm awful at resolutions, in fact, I'm not sure I ever bothered to make one. Goals aren't really my thing either! Long term is difficult for me - I have a hard time even telling you what the week might hold. While this may seem to be a personality downfall, I prefer to call it a "survival technique". My job does not allow for much planning - I knock em down as they throw em up - and I'm married to a "planning challenged" farmer (enough said). And then you can ask any of my friends, and especially my sister, I'm an instant gratification person. If I get something in my head.........NOW is the only way for me - my brain isn't hardwired to WAIT for anything!!

Somehow though, in 2009, I managed to join Weight Watchers, join the gym, and make a healthy change in my life, even though the goals and "resolutions" weren't exactly "planned out".

The past couple of weeks, I have slacked in all departments of my healthy lifestyle, but I'm not beaten! Not by a long shot. In fact, my lack of commitment to a long term goal allows me to not see the past couple of weeks as failure to reach my goal, but as a pit stop along my way. And now I'M BACK!!

One of the things that helps me stay on track when I am challenged by the lack of a "goal" or "plan", is my twitter relationships. You can't be a cheerleader and encourage your friends to do something if you aren't doing it yourself!

Exercise and eating right makes me feel STRONG!! That's a good enough goal for me!! And to all my planning and goal setting beautiful friends..........I'm right beside you.......every step of the way!! xoxo

I've got the BEST FRIENDS!!

Okay, its Sunday. I've been sick with sinus/ear crap for a week, and now have a nasty cold, but I'm not going to sway from my plan! I've been slacking so much for the past few weeks. I haven't tracked my food, I haven't worked out in LORD, I don't know how long, and I'm feeling lazy and guilty, but once again, I'm going to jump up and restart my Mojo!!

My wonderful friend Mo @footdr69 sent me a gift: A FIT BOOK!! (thanks Mo). So I will spend my day today coming up with my 12 week plan and getting it all down.

My equally wonderful friend Jen @bwjen, graciously is allowing me to be a copycat and I'm going to take her lead of her weekly planned meals to plan my own! I find that a good plan makes anything easier!!

And then there is my beautiful sister @teetee_71, she bought me a copy of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred!! What a great way to mix up my workouts!

So with all these tools in place (do I have the best friends ever??), I will jump up, get back on track, and continue towards my goals of a healthy, happy, existence!! Thanks Girls! I luv ya all!! Not to mention a special shout out to ALL of my twitter peeps! They are the best people on the planet and have changed my life forever!

So here are my plans for the week ahead:

• I will "copycat" Jen's menu! :-)
• I will work out at least 4 days this week - HARD!!
• I will track all my food and get back on track with WW's
• And I will take control of all the things in my life that are getting me off track (this is a long term goal that starts this week)

So THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I love the inspiration and support that I get from you all!

I know this is a journey that only I can make happen, but it's so much easier to have the everlasting support of all my friends new & old as I go!

IT FELT GOOD TO BE BAD

Confession time..........I've fallen of the wagon.....no, I haven't been over indulging, or even being particularly naughty, but I have fallen none the less. My exercising has taken a backseat to my busy life (which I admit is mostly busy having fun!) And my healthy eating has definitely taken a backseat.

I'm going to take this time to give myself a pat on the back though! One of my most critical "eating no-no's" for all my life has been portion control. I've managed to keep this under control even though I've not been tracking my food like I should be and definitely haven't been planning my meals.

Hubs and I went to the Melting Pot for our Anniversary on Friday night.....I can't think of a better/easier place to over indulge. But I was good......for being bad. Normally I would have eaten that kind of food (eating out is a definite weakness of mine) until I was so stuffed that I'd have to practically roll myself out. But I DIDN'T!!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the delicious food, but as soon as I heard my body start to tell me that I was getting full, I didn't let my head (and the fact that we were at this fun restaurant) get the best of me! And I put down that little fondue fork! YAY!

The thing is, I didn't realize it till today. I've been super hard on myself this past week. Why oh why would I work so hard to shed 20+ lbs, and then just stop.....for no reason.....all of those good things I have been doing? Life? Time? Schedules? I don't know, but I did. But the thing is, all of the tracking and planning didn't just help me to lose weight, but helped me to realize that I didn't have to go overboard with food to enjoy it. In fact, I had a better time because I didn't feel miserable all night!

So I DIDN'T over do it at dinner....I managed to take something I had learned about food and USE it! Granted, it wasn't the healthiest food, but we were celebrating and I managed to celebrate without being jolted so far off the wagon that I was left in the dust.

So I've decided not to be hard on myself, but to congratulate myself. And as a present to ME, I stopped at the grocery store and stocked up on all those healthy foods that have gotten me this far, and I also made dates for the week with my girlfriends at the gym. For I am not a wagon jumper.......it's never to late to jump back on! I've decided.................... it felt good to be bad!