Sunday, May 16, 2010

Yea, if you don't like the f-bomb, don't read this. But I'm bouncing back!

I'm so disappointed in myself today. I'm a word.........shitty! Oh where to start? How about with T.O.M? You all know who I'm talking about............that once a month guest that isn't really invited, but insists on coming to anyway. T.O.M.......(what a fuckface-right Kimmie?)...he brings cravings, and bloating, and crankiness, and laziness, and what am I forgetting? Oh well, he's a fuckface and I hate him, but hey, such is life, am I right? At least he's someone to blame if only once a month!

Next, how about my diet? I quit WW's, oh, a couple months ago? After losing 20 lbs, I was down to 22 points a day, and feeling more than frustrated! I felt deprived and in a rut so deep that I couldn't even see the light at the top, or the lack of muffin tops over my jeans, that seemed to make me not notice for so long, what I thought I was missing, and then BOOM there it was.......frustration. So.....I quit. And.........I've gained back 10 lbs. There..........I said it. *SIGH*........I hate saying it cause it makes it true, even though I knew it was true, if I didn't say it, no one would know in this virtual life right?

I'm not necessarily saying it was a mistake to quit, I think it was something I needed to do at the time, where I made the mistake was thinking I was ready and/or able to take it all on my own. To avoid all those yummy things that I love (mostly things that tickle this fucking sweet tooth - why can't the dentist just yank it?) I realized last week, that I was blowing it, I guess I'm lucky it only took 10 lbs and a couple of muffin top rebirths to see it, so not all is lost! I rejoined WW's and I know that the next time I quit, or the time after that, or the time after that, I'll be ready to do it on my own. Hell, last year at this time, a tomato, or onion, or any vegetable at all really would have never made it onto my sandwich, much less pass through these lips, but WW's the 1st time around made me realize that I really DO like these good for me foods that I thought I hated!! Maybe something even better will happen the next time around?

I would always order a sandwich or salad or whatever, hold the tomato, onion, basically anything good for me, and now I LOVE em! Sooo.....10 lbs back sucks, but I guess there's something to hang my hat on!?

And then there is my exercise routine. Oh how I love love love a good sweaty workout. I am having so much trouble finding this part of the balance in my life. So, for the moment, I'm doing with what I can. Between baseball games, and basically living in my office for the past couple of months, I'm exhausted and the days fly by like I'm standing still. I HATE reading about my BBIM loves and all the challenges they are doing because I know I can't keep up, but I do support them because I love them and someday when their lives are in a spin like mine, which happens to everyone more often than not, they will still be supporting me in whatever I'm doing!! That's how love and REAL friendships work!

I know I should try to get my workouts in in the a.m. when my evenings are all full, but the morning sucks! I HATE morning workouts, for me they aren't fun and/or the relaxing outlet that I really crave my workouts to be. Instead, I feel like I'm trying to jam a workout in to a narrow window and it makes it hard to get excited for, and I don't want to dread working out. In the evenings, it empowers me, and makes me feel strong and like all my stresses and struggles from the day just seem to melt away. So, for right now, I'm doing the best I can and making gardening, playing with the kids (baseball mostly at the moment), and an occasional mid afternoon walk with my coworkers, which really does help me to destress, even if I can't get all sweaty, my workouts.

Right now, I'll focus on the part I can control the most, which is my diet. I rejoined WW's and just got back from the grocery store, loaded with the most wonderful fruits and veggies!

I guess when our lives run us, the best we can do is adjust and adapt- resisting too much just makes it worse. So, that's what I'm going to do, I've hit a bump, it sucks, I'm moving on.